How to work with your Teens attachment style?

Teenagers' behaviors are deeply influenced by the attachment style they formed in early childhood with their primary caregivers. These styles dictate how they seek out and maintain relationships, manage their emotions, and perceive their own self-worth. 

Here are the key behaviours you will see with each of the four main attachment styles:

Secure Attachment

Teenagers with a secure attachment have a healthy, balanced view of themselves and their relationships. They trust others and are comfortable with both intimacy and independence.

• In Relationships: Forms stable, trusting, and long-lasting friendships and romantic relationships. They can express their needs and feelings clearly without being overly demanding or passive. They don't typically participate in social drama.

• With Parents: They are comfortable seeking support and advice from their parents but are also capable of making their own decisions. Communication is open and honest.

• Emotional Regulation: They have strong emotional regulation skills. They can identify their feelings and cope with stress or disappointment constructively. They have a solid sense of self-worth.

Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment

Teenagers with an anxious-preoccupied attachment crave closeness and intimacy but are often insecure and fearful of rejection or abandonment. Their self-worth is highly dependent on the approval of others.

• In Relationships: They can be "clingy" or overly needy. They are highly sensitive to signs of rejection and may misinterpret others' behaviors as a sign of disinterest. They can become very jealous or upset if a friend spends time with someone else. They are often "people-pleasers."

• With Parents: They may be very emotional about separation and constantly seek reassurance. Their mood is often tied to parental approval or disapproval.

• Emotional Regulation: They struggle with emotional regulation and may have intense, dramatic emotional swings. They are prone to rumination and worrying.

Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment

Teenagers with a dismissive-avoidant attachment value independence and self-sufficiency to an extreme. They have a high, often false, sense of self-esteem and tend to suppress or minimise the importance of emotional closeness.

• In Relationships: They avoid emotional intimacy and may have many acquaintances but few truly close friends. They can appear emotionally distant or "unbothered" by social conflicts. They may break off a relationship if it becomes too emotionally demanding.

• With Parents: They will often push parents away and act overly self-reliant. They avoid sharing their feelings or problems and may feel uncomfortable with affection or emotional support from their parents.

• Emotional Regulation: They appear calm and collected, but they are often suppressing their emotions. They may intellectualise feelings rather than experiencing them and can struggle to show empathy.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

This is a complex and often disorganised style, blending both anxious and avoidant behaviors. It is often a result of past trauma or inconsistent caregiving. These teens desperately want connection but are terrified of being hurt by it.

• In Relationships: They exhibit a chaotic push-pull dynamic. They may crave intimacy one moment and then abruptly push people away the next. They can get into very dramatic, unstable, or even abusive relationships.

• With Parents: They show unpredictable behaviour. They might cling one moment and then suddenly become hostile or withdrawn. Communication is inconsistent and confusing for both the teen and the parent.

• Emotional Regulation: They have very poor emotional regulation and may exhibit impulsive, erratic, or self-destructive behaviours due to their inner conflict.